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Hangover Cures

The care and feeding
of pink elephants
Maybe hangovers are nature's way of telling us that
too much alcohol is not good for us, eh? Chances are, if you drink alcohol, at some point
in your life you've drunk way too much of it. When one drinks like that, one must be
prepared for the consequences. We all have our own private understanding for that dreadful
feeling, but one recent and insightful characterization was: "My mouth tastes like I
stayed up all night licking Morubian postage stamps." No one has been able to come up
with a sure-fire way to treat a hangover, but there are some steps to minimize the pain.
At least until the next big party, right?
Sometimes
you'll know in advance that one night will be a particularly sobriety-challenged evening.
Here are some precautionary measures to consider:
- Taking a gram or more of vitamin C for the few days
leading up to that evening may help your body clear the alcohol more quickly than it
normally would.
- If you know that you'll be drinking in a few hours,
make sure that you've got something in your stomach. Breads and pasta will slow the
absorption of alcohol, and there's generally a pizza joint somewhere around the bar scene
Consider your beverage of choice.

Congeners are toxic chemicals that are formed during
fermentation, and some liquors have more of them than others. For instance:
- Vodka has less congeners than gin.
- Most scotch whiskey has about four times more congeners
than does gin.
- Brandy, rum and single-malt scotch have about six times
as many congeners as gin.
- Bourbon drinkers ingest eight times the amount of
congeners as do gin drinkers (whew!).
Red wine has more congeners than white wine does, so
consider having fish, rather than steak for dinner.
Plan for the big evening

Now that you've chosen your poison, adopt these
strategies regarding mixers and other pitfalls:
- Carbonation speeds alcohol absorption, so consider
mixing drinks with water instead of the fizzies.
- Stay away from sweet tropical drinks, like zombies and
pina coladas, and avoid sugary foods like cookies, cake and chocolate while drinking.
Sweet flavors make it difficult to know how much alcohol you are taking in, and some
people feel that the combination makes one's head spin.
Safeguard against gross over-indulgence
It's difficult to keep your wits about you when
drinking heavily, but if you can remember, keep these things in mind.
- Disappearing into the kitchen for a big glass of water
between alcoholic drinks may be the single best thing that you can do for yourself all
evening.
- Milk and dairy products (and any other high-fat foods)
also retard absorption of alcohol, so eat those crackers and cheese that your gracious
host put out.
- Why not pace yourself for the evening, rather than
standing near the keg until it runs dry?
Before you go to bed, drink some more water. Down a
B-complex vitamin as well, and you'll be ahead of the game in the morning.

Carefully now, placing one foot in front of the other,
make your way to the kitchen and follow these steps:
- Drink a large glass of water, then take an appropriate
dosage of aspirin or other non-prescription painkiller with another big glass of water.
- Got any juice around? Drink that also.
Caffeine dehydrates your body, so stick with juice,
water and milk.
Cope with the morning after, part two:
nourish yourself

- Eggs are more difficult to digest than some other
breakfast foods, so have some toast and fruit instead, or a small bowl of cereal. Dairy
products, yogurt excepted, also give some people digestive difficulty.
- A tablespoon or two of honey does wonders for some of
us and believe it or not, sauerkraut juice is supposed to neutralize those nasty congeners
still running around your system.
If all else fails, go lie down in a dark room. If your
schedule allows you to stay there all day, you could be in pretty good shape by the
evening.

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